A Small Chance at Happiness
by T-c3
Summary: About a year after the destruction of NYC, Dan is completely miserable for not taking a risk with his former partner.


Disclaimer: If I owned Watchmen, it would suck...but it would be lacking a certain squid.

* * *

"What's wrong, Dan?" Laurie asked as she propped her head up in her hand.

"Nothing."

Shifting closer to him, she wrapped an arm around his pudgy stomach. "No, I can tell there's something on your mind. Actually, you've been acting a little strange ever since . . . Oh."

Dan winced. Did she figure it out? No, she couldn't have.

"It still bothers you that much, huh." It wasn't a question, more a quiet observation. Laurie gently stroked his hair as she clung to him in her own suffering, trying to convey that he wasn't alone. "It bothers me, too, but there's nothing we can do about it now. It's been a whole year, and Veidt's plan has worked so far."

_It's not that_, he thought dejectedly. _Those people's deaths don't leave me awake at night with the fear of having graphic nightmares. Just his._

Dan felt so guilty at not being able to keep his focus on her. He had been able to delude himself for the entire year, but once the anniversary hit, it was like he was being haunted by Rorschach's ghost. He could barely even look Laurie in the eye, disgusted with himself for letting those old emotions come creeping back into his life. He had her, and he should've been happy that they had something of a normal life together.

In the past, he hadn't kept his feelings to himself out of shame, but out of respect for the shorter man. Dan knew he was Rorschach's only friend, and if he found out what sort of thoughts Dan had about him, he would truly feel alone in the world. There were times when Dan thought that _maybe_ Rorschach felt something similar, but he always shoved the idea out of his head as if it was the most ridiculous thing he ever heard. It really _was_ ridiculous, though. The masked vigilante was a staunch conservative and a lunatic. Even if Rorschach felt something along those lines, he would stomp them down with as much violence as he used in the streets.

But when Dan had come upon his blood in the snow, he immediately regretted not making at least a tiny move on the man. Just . . . something. He'd been more concerned with keeping their fragile friendship together than anything, which he felt was the right thing to do at the time. But knowing Rorschach was gone, without even a "hurm" as a goodbye, it was too much for Dan to keep his food down. Laurie had thought it was a result of the horror sinking in, that all those people had died, and they had to pretend that they didn't know the truth. He would never correct her on that assumption.

"We did the right thing, Dan."

Her soft voice brought him back to reality. She was trying to comfort him, but there was nothing she could do or say that would make the nightmares vanish, stop the migraines from pounding into him every day, relieve the stress he'd put upon himself as some sort of unconscious punishment for never taking a risk.

"Yeah," was all he could muster.

Laurie snuggled into him and quickly fell back into her own fitful slumber. Everyone had nightmares these days, just some worse than others.

Eventually, his body demanded sleep, and Dan could feel his eyelids drop against his will.

When he opened them, he was aboard Archie, his gut flat and his partner seated beside him. He knew without even thinking that it was a dream, which was odd. It didn't happen often that Dan consciously knew he was dreaming. He was back in his crime fighting years, a time he often thought about during the day to keep his thoughts from going to a place Laurie called "The Land of Dangerous Pessimism." But he very rarely dreamed about it. Dan knew he had to take advantage of this opportunity.

"Not moving. Why?"

Nite Owl jumped at the sound of his partner's raspy voice. Then he realized that they were on the ground, and he was just sitting there like an idiot.

"Oh, um, sorry. Lost myself for a minute there."

Rorschach merely answered with a "hurm," which made Dan smile. He missed those strange noises.

As Archie rose, Dan cast a sideways glance at the shifting inkblots, wondering if his dream was taking place after the Roche incident. It probably was, since Rorschach had his choppy speech pattern. Although, he supposed that because it was a dream, anything was possible. This moment might not even be from a memory, just slightly modeled after one.

Movement in the corner of his eye caused Dan to look at his partner. Rorschach was patting his pockets and seemed to be getting annoyed with whatever he couldn't find in them. Dan had to give a quiet chuckle when he realized what the man was looking for. He reached into a small compartment on the dashboard, glad that his dream was accurate in that respect.

"Here," he said as he held out a sugar cube.

Rorschach didn't move at first, but then he slowly went for the proffered treat and snatched it as if Dan was about to bite him.

"Thank you."

He could hear caution in his tone.

"You're welcome."

A somewhat awkward silence settled in, and Dan didn't realize how long they had sat there like that until they reached his secret basement. After the whirring sounds died out, Rorschach got up and walked towards the hatch.

Not wanting to waste such a pleasant dream, Dan quickly stood. He walked up to the shorter man, turned him around, and wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug, probably too tight. He could feel his partner stiffen at the sudden contact. Dan was severely invading Rorschach's personal space, and he knew he would be roughly shoved away and glared at from behind the mask.

Maybe it was due to it being a dream, or maybe it was how Rorschach truly would have reacted, but the man slowly loosened up. He didn't move to return the gesture, but him simply allowing the hug was just as good as hugging back. Dan almost felt like crying.

After about a minute passed, Rorschach made a wheezing sound. "Hard to breathe . . . Daniel."

"Oh!" He immediately let go, but his hands settled on Rorschach's shoulders. "I'm sorry, man. I got a little carried away."

He only nodded slightly in response. Soon, Dan felt his partner stiffen up again, and that was his cue to back off.

"See you tomorrow night?" Dan asked hopefully.

Once again, Rorschach gave a minute nod, then he hopped down the hatch.

Dan knew that whenever his partner would resort to simple body language instead of words, it meant he was either furious or uncomfortable. He decided it was the latter.

Sinking to the floor, he pushed his hood back and took his goggles off. Dan couldn't help but chuckle that Rorschach was Rorschach even in his dreams. Although, he wondered if his partner actually would have let him hug him in real life. Probably not, but it didn't really matter to Dan. Closing his eyes, he let out a contented sigh, feeling exhausted all of a sudden.

When he opened them again he was back in bed, Laurie at his side. It was nearly dawn, a faint light coming through the window, but waking up so early didn't bother him for once. He felt at peace, although he had no idea why. Dan tried to grasp the edges of his dream, but all he got was a peculiar sensation of bliss. He shrugged it off, grateful that it wasn't a nightmare.

This time, when he looked at his lover sleeping beside him, he didn't feel a pang of guilt.


End file.
